Sex Shrink: Does it matter if she screams or sighs?

I'm dating a half-Japanese model. All good, as you'd expect. Except she hardly does more than sigh when she comes. Is it cultural or am I, in fact, missing the mark?

Image by Grace Vane Percy

The Sex Shrink says...

Nice question, the answer to which is equally relevant to anyone dating a screamer. By now, you'll have observed the vast variance between the mews, cries and tribal howls that women make at climax - a range influenced by all manner of factors, some cultural, some not.

If your lover is silent, be aware of nonverbal cues instead: her clitoris will retract, her breathing become deeper and more heavy. At orgasm she will tense in a series of internal contractions, often causing her whole body to twitch and judder with brilliant, angry strength. Her nipples will harden, the colour of her lips intensify, she may well flush across her cheeks and chest. Whereas these physical signs are impossible to fake, sound by itself can be a lousy indicator of climax.

Two researchers at the University of Central Lancashire studied the noises made by sexually active heterosexual women and concluded the girls' "copulatory vocalisations" were most often made before and during male ejaculation. Not, as you might have thought, peaking with their own orgasm. At least some of the sounds made, they concluded, "are under conscious control, providing women with an opportunity to manipulate male behaviour to their advantage". Indeed, there are few things more erotic for many women than the seconds leading to your climax: she'll do pretty much anything to bring you there. The study also reiterated the wisdom that women are less likely to orgasm during coitus than during manual masturbation (by themselves or their ardent lover) or by oral sex. So keep switching things up.

Original article published in GQ Magazine, in February, 2013

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