Ah yes, the phenomenon lives on. Now you can spoil the Fifty-fanatic in your life with toys that have the official blessing of EL James. In fact, James tells me the items in the books were inspired by the enticing selection at Coco de Mer (coco-de-mer.com), which is always worth consideration. But, if you are with a Fifty fan, and are therefore doubtless re-enacting some of the books' scenes - whether you recognise it or not - you should certainly explore the official line. Between you and me, the range is surprisingly low priced. Which makes me think, why stop at one item?
Aside from his perfect body and his billions, what makes Christian so alluring is his utter domination. Do this properly. Send her an e-mail ordering her to wait for you at an allotted time and place wearing nothing but stockings under her coat. (Frankly, for this, I'd choose a hotel room.) You want her to feel spoiled. Decadent. And a little bit anonymous. There is nowhere hotter right now than the Café Royal (hotelcaferoyal.com): think expensively understated rooms designed by David Chipperfield, and solid marble tubs - the pièce de résistance is the Tudor suite, with its butler, screening room and fireplace. But if you don't have £3,000 to spend, any room will do. Unbutton her coat and let it fall to the floor. Lead her to the bed and have her kneel on it so her ass is in the air and her upper body rests on the covers. Pull her arms out straight and fasten them (ideally to the bed) with the Fifty Shades Of Grey Soft Limits Deluxe Wrist Tie (£16.99. At Love Honey. lovehoney.co.uk). Now pause. Tease the very surface of her skin with your lips, grazing them over the soft space behind her ears - adding a light but definite nip to the round of her lobe - and down the back of her neck. Roll her nipple between thumb and finger (base of the nipple is far more satisfying and deeply felt than a pinch at the tip) as you kiss down her spine. If you are feeling sweet, let her feel the swelling heat of your cock through your trousers. Let her mew for it, as you back away to admire her and tell her what you see. Strip your shirt off. Continue to work your lips down her body, now letting the heat of your torso add to the sensation of your mouth and hands.
Eat her from behind, parting her ass such that you can take each of her lips in turn and suck them into your mouth, then plunge your tongue deep inside her as you slide your fingers to press sternly on her clitoris. Fill her with the Inner Goddess Silver Pleasure Balls (£24.99. At Love Honey. lovehoney.co.uk, letting their weight massage her inside, rolling over her G, as you lap across her wanting box. Once she has exploded (thank you, EL James) round you, release her wrists. Slide the Yours And Mine Vibrating Love Ring (£12.99. At Love Honey. lovehoney.co.uk) over yourself - the silicon will stretch, making it easy to position at the base of your shaft. Now move her into the turtle position: she is still kneeling, but now flexing at the hip and bent forward such that her breasts are pressed against her thighs and her head is on the ground. Collect her wrists and hold them across her back as you enter her from behind. Take your time. She will be lost. Make her cry out. Clench her wrists till they start to turn red. Now use her, she is there only for your pleasure. Nice work, Mr Grey.
Originally published in the March 2013 issue of British GQ.
Original article published in GQ Magazine, in February, 2013